Tag Archives: snow

Little Miss…

Posted by emi2hips in Hip Journey, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , , , , ,

The snow began falling and I began a 5 hour drive to MA. My hips were angry and painful within the first hour of the drive and would not let up the whole way home. The hardest part with driving is that the seatbelt rests across my left hip at just the wrong spot over the iliac crest and screws, and I obviously can not have my right leg severely turned out because I need to somehow use the pedals. At any rate, today I am not much in the mood to discuss what has happened in the past few days, quite frankly its been on heck of a week since last Wednesday. However, as I drove home today I played in the midst of my many songs, one song more often than not. The song is “Little Miss” by Sugarland.

“Little miss done on love
Little miss, I give up
Little miss, I’ll get tough, don’t you worry about me anymore
Little miss checkered dress
Little miss, one big mess
Little miss, I’ll take less when I always give so much more

It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright
Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose ’til you win
It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright
It’ll be alright again
It’ll be alright again, I’m okay
It’ll be alright again, I’m okay (I’m okay)
It’ll be alright again, I’m okay

Little miss, do your best
Little miss, never rest
Little miss, be my guest, I’ll make more anytime that it runs out
Little miss, you’ll go far
Little miss, hide your scars
Little miss, who you are is so much more than you like to talk about”

- Sugarland 

We all have ways of finding our determination or trying to hang on to it. Most of us have more than one way and

This was a drawing I did the other day, just quick and to keep myself entertained and to calm down a bit.

have to use a combination out of our hat of tricks to somehow muddle our way through. Part of my bag of tricks is music; there are certain songs that I will listen to that for one reason or another remind me of where in the world I am going, what the heck I am doing here. It may sound silly, but I find a lot of the will and strength to move on. After these past few weeks there are several songs that I have been listening to over and over again, and incase you are wondering, no I do not get sick of them. Thats the thing with these pieces, I can put them on repeat and let them go over and over again and somehow, someway they keep me going. Along with music, I also use baking, drawing, reading, (things that are stationary since I cant be active really at the moment) and photography can also go in there when I have the energy, and knitting (with a lot of holes)- but I can only knit when I am not already frustrated. Music is good in all situations though which I can not say for anything else.

“Little Miss” is a song that I find I can strongly identify with, and there is something about it that comforts me when I feel like total crap and want nothing more than to give up. Today on my ride home, I listened to this song nearly every other one that played; Sometimes I just sat and listened and thought, and other times I sang along, belting it out loud and clear. Even now, I am sitting here typing this, my dog’s head on my lap, tears streaming, hips in pain and listening to this song; its on repeat in my itunes at the moment. I told you I would share with you as best I could what I was going through, well this is today, and quite honestly its not pretty. Hopefully I have a brighter post soon, but until then check out “Little Miss” its a more upbeat inspiring song :)

4 Snowballs, 3 pucks, 2 sticks, and a Carrot

Posted by emi2hips in Hip Journey, Uncategorized and tagged with , , , , , , ,

It has been on strange winter in terms of the amount of snow that has accumulated here in New England. To be quite honest, there really hasn’t been a day where you had to get up a few extra hours early to make sure you had time to shovel the driveway, scrape the ice off the car, and do it again one more time before you can head to work because it already accumulated again. Usually that circumstance is quite common in our New England winters.

Friday morning there was a dusting of snow on the ground and by that afternoon we easily had more snow than we have had all winter. It was still snowing but I decided that I would grab my camera and crutch around to take a few pictures. The happiness that ran through me overrode every other feeling of the bitter cold. My cousin and I then “discovered” that the snow was perfect for packing, and thus perfect for a snowman. We ran (or I crutched rather) to the front lawn and started to put the pieces together. This is the point in time when I decide if I want to sit back and be upset or if I want to put myself in pain to achieve a little bit of happiness. I decided that happiness at the price of the pain was the best answer.

So I slowly got down on my hands and knees, the snow wet and cold immediately soaking through my thin black “yoga” pants. I had forgotten my shoes for a different reason all together, so all I had on were thin clogs that were quickly soaked through. Did I care? Absolutely not! I started to pack together a snowball and then on my hands and knees crawl forward to roll it in front of me. The pain in my hip joints was such at the time that I knew I was going to pay for it later, not just for a few hours but at least a few days. The snowman, all said and done, was just over 6 ft tall. We broke the first middle snowball, yet there was nothing but laughter as we tried to lift the pieces together, my cousin standing, and me still on my hands and knees.

Our finished snowman.

Four snowballs, three hockey pucks, 2 hockey sticks, 1 carrot and an armful of rocks later, not to mention a plethora of laughs and smiles, two pairs of very wet pants and mittens later we had a tall grinning snowman. By the time we had finished, it was almost 6 and we went inside to change and dry everything off. My cousin grabbed my crutches for me so I wouldn’t have to crawl my way back to the tree they were leaning on; when I went to get up you just heard my hips “c-r-a-c-k” and they were extremely stiff as I crutched back to the house.  My legs and were a brilliant red they were so cold and my pants and shoes were caked with snow.

That night was a rough one in terms of my hips and sleeping. I knew this was going to happen after the events of today but I did not care in the least bit because today was one of the better days of the whole winter. I was really in need of a lift in my spirits, even if only for a few hours of a day; a glimpse that I can still be genuinely happy, laughing because I truly mean it, and smiling because I am honestly in a good mood.

Today, Sunday, I am still very sore from our winter activity, sleeping has been rough and my days have been filled with stabbing pains in my already aching hips. They have been cracking more than usual, with a severe pain accompanying the crack. Yet what else can I do but move on and get through my days? I refuse to let the pain dictate what I can and cannot do in a day, although this is a very difficult challenge. Today I was crutching along and I

Shared with me by my aunt, but I thought it quite fitting for this post!

slipped on water that was on the floor and fell straight onto my right hip. It was certainly not needed after all the pain that my hips have been in since building that snowman. It took me a bit before I was able to get up, but once again you have to get yourself up, work through the pain, and keep moving on.

With as much pain as I have been in the past few days, I have done my best to not show it (and I understand that this can be both a good and bad thing) though at times its just so much so that you can’t help but interject an ‘OUCH!’ when something just hurts too much to bite your tongue. All the added pain though was definitely worth it for those few hours of pure happiness with the snow softly falling around us, our clothes soaked, and one big snowman standing guard in the front lawn. I wish that there were more days like that one, where for a just a few hours I get to lose all the care in the world and just enjoy myself, no worries, no choices, just me, my painful hips, and a whole lot of laughter.

 

 

       

Crutch pads, coats and all drying in front of the fire.

 

 

 

 

 

Four Wheel Drive

Posted by emi2hips in Hip Journey and tagged with , , , , , ,

The snow fell hard and fast, and within half an hour we were already pushing near ¾ of an inch. I was thrilled, seeing as this is the most snow that has really fallen this winter in such a short period of time. It was also the first bit of happiness that I have experienced all week; And an extra added perk, I got to use the “four wheel drive” on my crutches! Okay I’m jumping ahead, let me back up a few days and maybe you can share in this brief moment of happiness with me, a point in time where I felt like I could actually breathe.

This week was a rough one, packed with appointments and meetings with friends before they took off for school, as well as conversing with people who have already returned to school and told me about the start to their classes. This week took a major mental and physical toll on me. Monday did not start off well with an appointment with my surgeon, which left my mind spinning as I briefly discussed the other day. Tuesday and Wednesday both contained PT sessions that left me in a considerable amount of pain and with enough frustration and disappointment to last the next few months. I am not sure if it is the painstakingly slow progress or the thought that with the next surgery its basically going to push me back to where I was before I started any of this PT that bothers me more, or the fact that I still struggle with exercises that we started in November no matter how hard I work on them.

On Tuesday I went into PT with an open mind looking forward to a great week in PT. I think I had a little bit of encouragement from my surgeon “pulling out the pom poms” as he says, to continue on and keep going. Well by the end of this PT session whatever extra hope I had was lost and I was upset. Wednesday’s PT session was no better, in fact I believe that I left more upset than Tuesday to the point where I wanted nothing more than to break down and cry. Wednesday also included an MRI of my spine and pelvis late that night; definitely not a position you want to be lying in with two sore hips.

Thursday made up for the week. Even though the day was rough the night was more than perfect. I spent the evening at my friends house in town (Im not sure if they realize how great it is to have them in town and what motivation they add to get through my week), as I have done lately on Thursday nights for dinner and of course Grey’s Anatomy- for those of you who don’t know Grey’s is my “go to show” and can fix just about any day in one way or another. The night got even better when we looked out the window and in the matter of half an hour nearly ¾ of an inch of snow had accumulated on the ground. Time to put on the “four wheel drive”, for my crutches of course! I have spike type objects that are attached to my crutches and I flip them down to give me more traction in the snow and ice. Even the smallest amount of snow on the ground becomes a dangerous slippery situation. After cleaning off my car I drove home in a white wonderland where no other car tracks had yet been made.  Something about this was calming and quite honestly beautiful. The snow was coming down at a rate that made seeing difficult and there being no car tracks yet made didn’t help, however I did not mind. This is why I love winter and driving in the snow is not something that bothers me in the slightest.

Pulling into my driveway I came to a stop, the music still playing on my stereo, my crutches beside me, my only mode

crutches, and my slippered foot (I was not expecting it to start snowing!) and my "four wheel drive"

of transportation from the car to the house. I opened the driver’s side door and proceeded to just stand there the snow softly landing around me, reminding me why I love the cold and the winter. A smile spread across my face and the feeling of happiness that came across me was one I have not felt in the longest time.  For a period of time I lost myself, forgetting where I was, not noticing that my fingers were turning white and my feet were quickly becoming snow covered. I cannot describe the feeling in any other way, except for I felt like I could breathe, as though nothing else in the world mattered. I actually forgot that I can’t walk and haven’t walked in what is going on two years, or that there is a huge impending surgery looming just in the distance. I forgot about it all for a few moments, but long enough so that by the time I walked into the house I was so snow covered I looked as though I was wearing a white hat.

I’m hoping that in the next week or so more news comes around regarding my hips, I am dreading PT tomorrow morning and the next week for that matter. The good news is that I get to put my crutches’ four wheel drive to use at least tomorrow and hopefully over the next few days in Vermont. The snow serves two purposes; on one hand it makes me sad because I am reminded that I can’t ski or skate for yet another year, but on the other hand it makes me happy and somehow gives me a moment to breathe; a time where I can forget and just enjoy what is around me. Standing there in the darkness tonight, amongst falling snowflakes, breathing, smiling and just taking in the moment is a reminder that in the midst of struggle will always be moments of hope and happiness even if they are short lived; however they are enough to hold on to and get me through another day.